fem[dot]nz

I'm out at work now. I think it's been about a month. I'm also growing boobs (!?) and my face looks a little different. I think that's pretty cool.

Sometimes I'm like "hmm, am I trans? It'd suck to do all this just to regret it", but then I remember that I don't have to do any of this. And it's making me happy. Whether it will in the future, I don't know - that's a problem for future me, but this is what I want. Also it's something I've wanted for so long (realising more about this as time goes on too - a lot of egg signs for me), and the idea of going back and presenting in a more masculine way is kinda repulsive. Just not for me. I feel like I'd be going back in the closet, not doing it for me.

It's been 3 months (+ a week and a half) since I started on hormones, and a year and a week or so since my egg cracked. I'm happy to be here, not that it's easy. But it's definitely better for me than repressing it.

Anyway, my only problems with hormones are:

• I haven't been on them for longer

• They don't work faster

• T blockers suck and doctors in New Zealand don't want to prescribe the one I'd like.

Oh, also - laser hair removal. I've had 8 (9?) sessions thus far and it's worked great on my cheeks (can no longer grow sideburns I think, would take a week or so before some lighter hairs peeped through) but my chin and neck haven't responded so well. They are a lot thinner though and shaving is much easier (down from 30 minutes to ~10 and less need for a shower before hand), but I could probably still grow a reasonable neck beard with an unusual patterning. Perhaps that's for some people, but I'm continuing my sessions. They quoted 16 initially anyhow so I'm very curious to see how the upcoming sessions go - I'm about half way though the sessions get more spaced out over time. It's been about 4 months. I can reasonably exist for two days before I feel the need to shave, though there's a little stubble still after a day (much less).

It's pretty cool that modern medical technology is the way it is (though execution is far from perfect - even today, I am very lucky to be able to access this). If I had existed just a hundred years prior, none of these options would be available to anyone.

Signing off,

Klara